MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
The Grim Reaper has just learned that Errol Povah, president of Airspace Action on Smoking and Health – the Canadian anti-tobacco group that Grim fears most – is soon embarking on something called the JOURNEY for a TOBACCO-FREE WORLD!
“Povah is trying to eliminate my biggest source of disease, disability, and premature death,” Grim said. “If he thinks I’m going to just sit back and let that happen without a fight, he’s got another think coming!”
If the JTFW is successful and accomplishes its goals, Grim’s future looks…well, GRIM!
The tobacco industry and its small army of well-paid puppets (most notably, in this instance, retailers/convenience store associations) provides Grim with the most target-rich environment from which to reap.
Grim discourages you from visiting the run site – www.tobaccofreeworld.ca – simply because…well, you might come away thinking that tobacco is a dangerous and deadly product. Or something like that!?!
If you have any ideas as to how Grim might foil this event, please send them here (please put “JTFW” in the ‘Subject’ line). Grim thanks you, in advance.
In the meantime, Grim plans to pay Povah a few surprise visits as he makes his way across the country.
Not sure you’ll ever see the two of them (Povah and Grim) together, since Povah feels that the best way to control his anger toward Grim is to simply ignore him…and stay as far away from him as possible.
Oh, and by the way: In those e-mails you send, the “JTFW” in the subject line, in this instance, stands for, “Journey for a Tobacco-FILLED World!” Yes indeed, Grim just can’t get enough tobacco! Not that he smokes himself: Hell no! But everybody else really should smoke, regardless of age. In fact, Grim often visits maternity wards and passes out candy-flavoured “Ciggy Soothers”. Yummy!
A news story from New Tang Dynasty Television: Anti-Smokers Protest Bangkok Trade Show
or, The Thai Anti-Tobacco Movement ROCKS. BIG TIME!
Until today, the biggest anti-tobacco protest (and I mean ‘protest’, as opposed to convention/conference) I’d ever attended was in Washington DC about 3 years ago. Of the 5,000 attendees at the 13th World Conference on Tobacco OR Health, about 200 of us marched through the streets of DC (with a large police escort) to the White House, where we demanded (that’s right, we demanded, dammit!) the US take serious action against tobacco, including long overdue ratification of the FCTC (which, as far as I know, still has not been done). In any case, that whole trip — the conference, the protest, the networking, etc. — was incredible, BUT…
I just got ‘home’ from the biggest, best and most powerful anti-tobacco protest ever! And when I say ‘powerful’: If we’re talkin’ earthquakes, all previous protests (great as they’ve ALL been), have been ‘minor tremors’, barely registering on the Richter scale…and hardly noticeable by anyone, especially the tobacco industry (TI).
But this one rocked those bastards… and has triggered a tsunami that just might, with any luck at all, wipe them out!
In typical ‘Errol’ fashion, I was late getting to the protest site this morning. With many curious onlookers (including hotel staff), I loaded the Grim Reaper costume, the SICKARET and 3 placards into a taxi for the 5-minute drive to the convention centre (BKKCC). With the temperature in the mid to high 80s (yes, fahrenheit) and very high humidity, I’m hoping an Arctic front will blow in. No such luck.
Having scouted out the BKKCC area a couple of days earlier, I knew exactly where to go. And besides, I’d been reminded that, with 150 – 500 people protesting, I couldn’t possibly miss it. Well, I missed it!
Not seeing any sign at all of a protest, I got the cabbie (who spoke virtually no English) to pull over. A security guard approached and, seeing my gear (especially the SICKARET) in the back seat, asked an unspoken question by putting his hand to his mouth in a smoking gesture. I said yes. He pointed and, in Thai, told the cabbie where to go, as it were.
A couple of blocks further and I see about 100 people (mostly highschool-aged kids) on the sidewalk… some in costumes (including less-elaborate [if I may be so bold] Grim Reapers, cigarettes, etc.), most carrying placards (in English and Thai)…and ALL wearing very cool t-shirts that say, “TOBACCO KILLS!” in big bold letters on the front and “5,400,000″ (plus some other text) on the back. And there are at least 2, maybe 3 dozen helmet-wearing police officers. And I’m thinkin’, “This is cool!”
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In an extremely rare and brief display of sadness and sombre reflection, the normally cold, callous and emotionless Grim Reaper marked the (albeit ‘accidental’, as in a helicopter crash) death of the 123rd Canadian soldier in Afghanistan today (July 7, 2009) by announcing that he is firing the Taliban. In fact, he is severing his ties with all combatants — the good, the bad and the ugly — in all conflicts around the globe. Why? Because his lifelong friends at the tobacco industry kill far more people than ALL of the bullets and bombs ever will!
“The Canadian mission to Afghanistan began in 2002. That’s 7 years ago! Many says it’s been a failure…and I couldn’t agree more: To date, the world’s most feared terrorist organization — the Taliban — have managed to kill just 123 Canadian soldiers…
IN SEVEN YEARS…
IN A BLOODY WAR ZONE! My pals at the nicotine cartel…I mean, tobacco industry…kill that same number of Canadians EACH AND EVERY DAY!!!”, Grim said.
“I need dead bodies! The more the merrier! I thought the Taliban could produce more, but they have failed, miserably!”
Grim continues, “To put it all into perspective: For every Canadian soldier killed by the Taliban in Afghanistan, tobacco has prematurely killed — by an average of 10 – 15 years — more than 2,500 Canadians! Obviously, most of those dead Canadians are ‘civilians’, but that tragic toll includes dozens of (perhaps 100 or more) veterans as well!”
With a devilish smirk on his face, he adds, “Kind of ironic, isn’t it: So many veterans survive the absolute hell of war only to have their lives cut short by a weed that has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, contains the most addictive drug known (nicotine), is a leading cause of brush and forest fires, is the leading cause of (residential) fire fatalities, is one of the biggest drains on our ‘in-crisis’ health-care system, etc.”
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