Greetings from Grim…aka, Osama bin Tobacco.
On the 9th anniversary of 9/11., Grim would like to remind everyone that when it comes to killing, nobody — NOBODY — even comes close to his good friends at the tobacco industry.
3,000 people died on September 11, 2001. In the U.S. alone, tobacco industry products (TIPs) kill that many people EVERY 3 DAYS! Globally, TIPs kill that many people EVERY 5 HOURS!
It took my dreaded Taliban fighters 7 years to kill 123 Canadians…IN A WAR ZONE! TIPs kill that many Canadians EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Speaking of wars: With the exception of the combined 10 years of the two World Wars, TIPs have killed more people, globally — each and every year over the last century — than any/all wars!
On September 11, take a moment to think about those who died on 9/11; then take 5 moments to think about the 15,000 global citizens who die, EACH AND EVERY DAY, as a direct result of using TIPs.
And think about this, too. Most of the victims of the 9/11 “terrorist” attacks died instantly…or within minutes/hours of the attack. For most smokers, on the other hand, death is very long, slow and agonizingly painful process.
And you wonder why I fired the Taliban…and love tobacco so much!?!
TOBACCO IS WONDERFUL!
That’s why I warn anti-tobacco activists: Do not interfere with my #1 source of dead bodies! And remember: The tobacco industry does not target kids, it does not want kids to smoke, it could survive very nicely if nobody started smoking until they were 19 and, last but not least, NICOTINE IS NOT ADDICTIVE!!!
A video about Errol Povah’s Journey for a Tobacco-Free World:
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
The Grim Reaper has just learned that Errol Povah, president of Airspace Action on Smoking and Health – the Canadian anti-tobacco group that Grim fears most – is soon embarking on something called the JOURNEY for a TOBACCO-FREE WORLD!
“Povah is trying to eliminate my biggest source of disease, disability, and premature death,” Grim said. “If he thinks I’m going to just sit back and let that happen without a fight, he’s got another think coming!”
If the JTFW is successful and accomplishes its goals, Grim’s future looks…well, GRIM!
The tobacco industry and its small army of well-paid puppets (most notably, in this instance, retailers/convenience store associations) provides Grim with the most target-rich environment from which to reap.
Grim discourages you from visiting the run site – www.tobaccofreeworld.ca – simply because…well, you might come away thinking that tobacco is a dangerous and deadly product. Or something like that!?!
If you have any ideas as to how Grim might foil this event, please send them here (please put “JTFW” in the ‘Subject’ line). Grim thanks you, in advance.
In the meantime, Grim plans to pay Povah a few surprise visits as he makes his way across the country.
Not sure you’ll ever see the two of them (Povah and Grim) together, since Povah feels that the best way to control his anger toward Grim is to simply ignore him…and stay as far away from him as possible.
Oh, and by the way: In those e-mails you send, the “JTFW” in the subject line, in this instance, stands for, “Journey for a Tobacco-FILLED World!” Yes indeed, Grim just can’t get enough tobacco! Not that he smokes himself: Hell no! But everybody else really should smoke, regardless of age. In fact, Grim often visits maternity wards and passes out candy-flavoured “Ciggy Soothers”. Yummy!